talk-20h.sh (4407B)
1 specific_talk_20h() { 2 item="$1" 3 4 case "$item" in 5 Old_Thinkpad) 6 _msg "Have you seen that new dotg act on gopherspace?" 7 ;; 8 9 Plastic_bottle_of_rakia) 10 _msg "Zagreb is such a nice city." 11 ;; 12 13 Plastic_bag_of_Water) 14 _msg "Is this toilet water?" 15 ;; 16 17 Dirt) 18 _msg "Ah, a souvenir of Brussels." 19 ;; 20 21 Unlocked_Macbook) 22 _msg "Your friend takes the Macbook from you and deletes its contents." 23 rm -f "$inventory/$item" 24 ;; 25 26 Smashed_Macbook) 27 _msg "Now that is a proper-looking Macbook!" 28 ;; 29 30 Cigarettes) 31 _msg "I don't smoke, but I like to see all smokers dying slowly." 32 ;; 33 34 Plate_of_Bolognese_Sauce) 35 _msg "Ah, I need more of this." 36 ;; 37 38 Keychain_with_a_key) 39 _msg "This looks like the key to the second bedroom." 40 ;; 41 42 Decorated_condom_balloon) 43 _msg "Do you like scaring christians like I do?" 44 ;; 45 46 Plastic_bag) 47 _msg "Plastic bags are meant to fly and be eaten by whales." 48 ;; 49 50 Old_yoghurt) 51 _msg "Let us see if this guy next to me can eat really everything." 52 ;; 53 54 Rolling_tobacco) 55 _msg "Where this comes from nature is beautiful but society isn't." 56 ;; 57 58 Google_Ad_coupons) 59 _msg "The last elves I had liked those coupons. I don't know why. 60 It is the last secret of life." 61 ;; 62 63 Cocaine) 64 _msg "This will free your nose." 65 ;; 66 67 Cheese) 68 if [ -f "$inventory/.isfrench" ]; then 69 _msg "Oh you are French! You should know what 70 to do with it in the toilet." 71 else 72 _msg "This cheese smells and belongs into the kitchen sink." 73 fi 74 ;; 75 76 Beers) 77 _msg "You give a beer to your friend. He thanks you and starts drinking it." 78 dropitem "$item" 79 ;; 80 81 Chocolate_Milks) 82 _msg "Your friend takes the chocolate milk and pours it all over the Macbook 83 guy's testicles to cool them down." 84 dropitem "$item" 85 ;; 86 87 Locked_computer) 88 _msg "Your friend takes the locked computer and installs Gentoo on it while 89 uploading the old content to the cloud." 90 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h/$item" 91 ;; 92 93 Smartphone) 94 _msg "Your friend takes the smartphone and calls father christmas to bring 95 some elves for fun." 96 printf 1 > "$inventory/.elvesarehere" 97 ;; 98 99 Used_condom) 100 _msg "Your friend takes the used condom, blows it up using heat from the 101 Macbook guy's produced heat and gives you back a balloon." 102 mv "$inventory/$item" "$inventory/Condom_balloon" 103 ;; 104 105 Condom_balloon) 106 _msg 'Your friend decorates the balloon with the mark of Satan. 107 108 He says; "Here you go. You need Satan more than he needs you." 109 110 You take the decorated balloon 111 ' 112 mv "$inventory/$item" "$inventory/Decorated_condom_balloon" 113 ;; 114 115 White_Lighter) 116 _msg "Your friend asks for the red lighter." 117 ;; 118 119 Red_Lighter) 120 _msg "Your friend uses the red lighter to start the fire of the revolution." 121 printf 1 > "$inventory/.revolutionstarted" 122 ;; 123 124 Black_dildo) 125 _msg 'You give the black dildo to your friend. He smiles perversly 126 and says: "These things are useful to fill up holes..."' 127 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h" 128 ;; 129 130 Also_sprach_Zarathustra) 131 _msg "God dies. 132 133 Your friend takes the book and starts babbling about the meaning of life. 134 Also, Satan." 135 dropsauce 20h 136 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h" 137 printf 1 > "$hipsters/20h/.meaningoflife" 138 ;; 139 140 The_Birth_of_Tragedy) 141 _msg '"Christianity is bad, mmkay" - He tries to tell a meme. 142 143 Your friend takes the book from you and starts babbling about the meaning of life.' 144 dropsauce 20h 145 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/20h" 146 printf 1 > "$hipsters/20h/.meaningoflife" 147 ;; 148 149 Siddhartha) 150 _msg '"Religions suck." - He says. 151 152 Satan is the only answer. 153 154 You nod.' 155 ;; 156 157 The_C_Programming_Language) 158 _msg '"Nice find! Keep it. It could be of good use." - Your friend says. 159 160 You tuck the book back in your backpack.' 161 ;; 162 163 Developing_NodeJS) 164 _msg 'Your friend starts manically laughing. 165 166 "Maybe give it to those nerds behind you!" - He grins. 167 168 You tuck the book back in your backpack.' 169 ;; 170 171 Sex_drugs_and_cocoa_puffs) 172 _msg '"Drugs? No. But the other two will do"' 173 ;; 174 175 Baby_and_child_care) 176 _msg "Maybe ask the girls. They can make babies with 177 you." 178 ;; 179 180 To_Kill_a_Mockingbird) 181 _msg "Oh no. This is a hipster and girls topic." 182 ;; 183 184 Fight_Club) 185 _msg "Hey, we said we don't talk about it." 186 ;; 187 esac 188 }