talk-gentoo.sh (2706B)
1 specific_talk_gentoo() { 2 item="$1" 3 4 if [ -f "$hipsters/obese/.takingashit" -o \ 5 -f "$hipsters/obese/.inkitchensink" ]; then 6 _msg "The yoghurt did not bode well for the spaniard. He's taking a shit." 7 return 8 fi 9 10 case "$item" in 11 Old_Thinkpad) 12 _msg " 13 You whip out your old Thinkpad and show the spaniard the amazing 14 Gentoo Hardened setup you have. 15 16 The spaniard is butthurt that you have access to latest grsecurity 17 patches so he wants to start plotting murder against you. 18 19 You realize if you just start walking away in a normal tempo he would 20 be unable to catch up. 21 22 You put your laptop back in your backpack." 23 ;; 24 25 Plate_of_Bolognese_Sauce) 26 _msg " 27 You give a plate of Bolognese sauce to the spaniard. 28 29 He thanks you and starts eating it swiftly." 30 mv "$inventory/$item" "$hipsters/obese/" 31 ;; 32 33 Beers) 34 _msg "You offer a beer to the spaniard. He refuses. 35 36 Is it because it makes bellies big, you ponder..." 37 ;; 38 39 Chocolate_Milks) 40 _msg "You give a chocolate milk bottle to the spaniard. He thanks you and 41 drinks it in one sip." 42 dropitem "$item" 43 ;; 44 45 Old_yoghurt) 46 _msg "You give the old yoghurt to the spaniard. He starts eating it. 47 48 You hear his stomach gurgling. Struggling, but he manages to get" 49 50 if [ -f "$inventory/.isfrench" ]; then 51 _msg "up and start walking towards the kitchen sink." 52 printf 1 > "$hipsters/obese/.inkitchensink" 53 else 54 _msg "up and start walking towards the toilet." 55 printf 1 > "$hipsters/obese/.takingashit" 56 fi 57 58 rm -f "$toilet1/shower/.notyet" 59 rm -f "$toilet2/shower/.notyet" 60 cp -f "$hipsters/obese/Plate_of_Bolognese_Sauce" "$hipsters/coffeetable" 61 62 if [ -f "$inventory/.isfrench" ]; then 63 if [ -f "$toilet1/shower/Cheese" -a \ 64 -f "$toilet2/shower/Black_dildo" ]; then 65 _msg "You hear a strange noise coming from the 66 NeXT machine." 67 rm -f "$inventory/.notyet" 68 fi 69 else 70 if [ -f "$kitchen/sink/Cheese" -a \ 71 -f "$toilet2/shower/Black_dildo" ]; then 72 _msg "You hear a strange noise coming from the 73 NeXT machine." 74 rm -f "$inventory/.notyet" 75 fi 76 fi 77 ;; 78 79 The_Birth_of_Tragedy) 80 _msg '"Man, christianity sucks, man." - He says while gasping. 81 82 You nod.' 83 ;; 84 85 The_C_Programming_Language) 86 _msg "You show the K&R book to the spaniard. His head explodes." 87 printf 1 > "$hipsters/obese/.dead" 88 ;; 89 90 Developing_NodeJS) 91 _msg '"Man, nodejs sucks, man." - He says while gasping.' 92 ;; 93 94 Condom_balloon) 95 _msg "You show the condom balloon to the spaniard. He breaks it with his hands 96 and tucks the remaining latex away in his underwear." 97 rm -f "$inventory/$item" 98 ;; 99 esac 100 }